Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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