I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
