people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
