Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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