She said her name was "party"
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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