He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think my nap took me to another dimension
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
