so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
