The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She bit a glass in half.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
my poor anus
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
