I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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