Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
