Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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