Sorry, I don't speak sober.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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