flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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