Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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