I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
