there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
