Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
