Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
