I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
