My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
