your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The beer is more important than you right now.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
