Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
