Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
