So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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