it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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