the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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