your room smells of hookers.
And success
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
