There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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