oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
