Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
