Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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