I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
