i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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