Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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