You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
