I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
