So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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