mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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