In the future we'll all be gay
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize