Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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