The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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