You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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