I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize
