i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
