not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
