Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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