Quick, to the slutcave!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize