It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
