He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
