I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
