there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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