I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm so fucking centered right now
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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