I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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