Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
