Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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