Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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