we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize