I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize