Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
sex in a hospital.. check
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
