also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
