my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
