I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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