Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
