Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
