I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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