Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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