In the future we'll all be gay
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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