Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
this is an emotional support booty call
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
