Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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