Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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