I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
