As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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