Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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