dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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