do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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