I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
