Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
