Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
