That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
