ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
